Yeah - Another Bloody !@#!@#$% Cruise

December 30, 2021

Soooo, one of the Templeshifs, [yes those two Wacko friends in Vegas] says to the Dragon Lady,

“Whatcha doing for New Years Eve?”

To which she replies:

“Watchin’ the ball drop on ABC and goin’ t’bed”

To which they say…

Wait for it…

Wait….

Wait…

“Wanna go on a NYE cruise to Aruba?”

"And just like that"... [to steal a line from Sarah Jessica Parker’s new TV series], we’re headed to the Western Caribbean on the RCCL Jewel of The Seas for 10 days with the Templeshifs and another couple they met in a Lotto line.

Seriously, they met Steve and Ellen [Last name deleted to protect their reputation] in a Lotto line. All because the spot Lenny usually goes to had a line around the block and the clerk told them there was a shorter one 3 miles down the road.  And of course since,

a.    Lenny hates lines,

and

b.  Lenny never met a stranger [ask him to explain that… if and when you ever get to meet him]

He heads down the road and while in line there, must have been a big jackpot with all these lines, and meets Steve.  And the rest, as they say, is history.  Or sumpthin’ like that.

Anyhow, Here we are heading out of the Port of Miami on a less than fully staffed Royal Caribbean mid-sized ship with less than half capacity of daring, vaccinated, recently Covid tested [we'll get into that little detail later] reckless cruise enthusiasts on our way to what may prove to be a VERY interesting sojourn along the Central and South American coasts with a couple of stops along the way to Aruba and back to Miami.

As you have probably surmised by now, this will not be your usual NOWAT since HE seems to have forgone the usual Blah… blah…blah about this, and that mall trip, packing Ballet etc.

Then again…                          

Well,  just stay tuned for the usual NOWAT ALERT to see what he has whipped up for this, the latest of the Exciting Travels [or is that Travails] of the Wacky American Tourist and the Ever-Lovely Dragon Lady.

And yeah, he'll get around to a recap and pre-amble in the next post... Maybe

For now, John Dewar and Sons are calling his name, and who is he to ignore them.

Ciao 4 Now

Uncle Chuck & The  Anxious to Get Outta Town, 

Dragon Lady

So As Luck Would Have It…

Welcome back, and so glad you could re-join us!

Soooo, just for now… allow HIM a brief [if there is EVER such a thing in his universe] re-cap of the happenings around Casa d’ Chaos since we last came this way, what with the Covid Crisis in full bloom and the rest of the world in turmoil. 

 

It had been just minor quarantining with occasional visits with the kids until Nov of 2020 when, As Luck Would have it, Chucky got the news from his Gastro Guy, Dr. Leon Maratchi, that he was about to go another 15 Rounds with Squamous Cell Carcinoma, this time in the upper esophagus on the other side from his Battle with Cancer in 2007. 

This then caused another round of radiation/chemo therapy for 2 months, however the radiation would be Proton Beam Therapy which is not as severely damaging to surrounding organs, tissues etc., as the Photon Beam Radiation in 2007 where he Lost 40 pounds and underwent 52 speech therapy treatments to get back to normal, But nevertheless, re-irradiation of the same general area was even  riskier.

 

Rather than waste space here with voluminous details of this ordeal  [as HE is known to include], you can follow that little saga in: 

Not Another Un-planned Diet

www.notanotherunplanneddiet.blogspot.com 

his post Cancer Blog which is still ongoing since he is still in recovery and therapy.

 

Lots of pictures,  in depth details as only he can and whatevah.

 

Now where were we…? 

Oh yes the recap.

Aside from the yearlong Cancer, and ongoing rehab and recovery Drama not much else was going on at Casa d’ Chaos for most of 2021.

In the middle of all this, SHE declars that HE should start David [#1 Grandson] with Golf Lessons while Greg [#3 Son] was involving  Jonathan [#2 Grandson] with Optimist League football. 

Aside from creating an excuse to get the sedentary Chucky out of the house and into the fresh air for some sort of exercise [did we mention HE is VERY sedentary] it would… how to put this delicately… ok She just wanted him out of the house and away from his bloody computer all day.

BTW, Jonathan, as it turns out - in his first year in organized football - winds up as a starting left tackle on both Offense and Defense for the Pembroke Pines Optimist Bengals, and gets to the Super Bowl for the American Youth Football League!  Unfortunately the Bengals lost to a Stacked Team from Pompano, but that's a story for a different blog.

Then came the aforementioned call from the Templeshifs.

By now you will have realized that this will not be the usual series of NOWAT beginnings wherein HE details, over several weeks prior to a trip, Multiple Mall trips, [in fact, just one] and belabored packing ballets, and long winded agenda descriptions, etc., etc., etc. Not the case.

OK, there was a little drama around which of the BIG bags to pack since they're not flying anywhere and she couldn’t make up her mind on how many extra combos she should take for a simple 10 day cruise, but in reality, HE had them packed days in advance with room to spare.

The REAL drama came with the requirement of RCCL, in addition to being fully vaccinated, to get a negative COVID 19 PCR [not an Antigen] test no more than 2 days prior to sailing.  

Now this may seem like a no brainer but what with the new surge of the OMICRON variant, it was taking 72 or more hours to get test results, which if you do the math, is 24 hours more than they had to prove they were clear to board.  Everywhere else, including the hospitals requires 72 hours but noooooo, not Royal Caribbean [they really take the notion of ROYAL privilige to heart].

 

Fortunately, Chucky discovers that CURATIVE, a group hired by Broward County was testing at a park near the house so he checked in to see if they had more information.  It turns out that the PCR testing there, at that time, did indeed take 72 hours for results, but another CURATIVE location in Ft Lauderdale did the RAPID PCR test and could yield results in 2-3 hours.

Soooooo, HE made appointments for testing for early the 28^th, hoping the the RAPID test would be accepted.

NOW at the same time, with PCR testing lines at various sites in the county causing 4-5 hour waits and not promising results in less than 3-4 days, Chucky also discovers he could make an appointment at the CVS around the corner for a PCR test which may… or may not be accepted by RCCL.  So he proceeds to make an appointment there as well.

THEN, SHE gets word that CURATIVE will be back at the park near the house with the RAPID PCR test starting the week after Christmas, so HE cancels the test in Ft Lauderdale and re-books around the corner.

SO NOW, they have 2 tests, Across the street from each other, half an hour apart, which on the 28^th they manage to accomplish in less than 45 minutes.  Now the anxious wait.

Will they get the results in time?

Will the RAPID PCR COVID 19 test be accepted by RCCL?

Will they be allowed to board the Jewel of The Seas for 10 days with stops at:

         Puerto Limo, Costa Rica

         Colon, Panama [Panama Canal]

         Cartagena, Colombia

         Oranjestad,  Aruba

while celebrating NYE with the Templeshifs and their Lotto Line cohorts somewhere off the coast of Honduras?

Will Chuckie’s Blood Pressure and Anxiety come down a notch by then.

 

Welllllll, you’ll just have to check back in for the next episode of NOWAT-CaribWest 2022 to find out.

 

In the meantime, John Dewar has called another meeting and Chucky cannot not be late for that one or he'll get a demerit [kids, ask your ex-military friends to explain demerits to you.]

 

Ciao 4 Now,
Uncle Chuck 

& The rolling her eyes at him, 
Dragon Lady

To Sail, or Not to Sail.

Last we saw of our erstwhile wannabe cruisers, they were sweating the results of the Covid 19 Rapid test from both Curative and CVS.
 
In between time, final preparations and packing was under way, which for the most part as mentioned before was fairly smooth.
 
Now it was just waiting…
 
Still Waiting…
 
Bing…. Bing… Bing – HER phone is going wild and she thinks the email and text are Spam.
 
Tweet… Tweet… Tweet – His phone signals, he sees the Text, followed by and email and…
 
Ahhh… results of Your Covid 19 Test from the State of Florida?!?  They were supposed to come in via Curative.  Sooooo?!??
NEGATIVE.
 
He finally convinces HER to retrieve the supposed “spam” Mail and Text, on her phone and… same note from the State:
                              NEGATIVE
 
WHEW!!! 
 
Now to wait for the results from CVS, “Si A Caso” [just in case], on the Special My Chart app they had to download since the results won't come on their regular Memorial My Chart [don’t Ask]. 
It might also come in via His Quest Diagnostics account since that’s where CVS is sending it.  But he’s not holding his breath on that one.
 
Still the anxiety of RCCL not accepting the Curative test is lingering, but HE thinks since it has a State of Florida Seal on the PDF file there should be no problem.
 
The rest of Tuesday was last minute add-ons to HER wardrobe since he accidently let HER know that HE had a bit more room than anticipated.  But to be fair, HE’s throwing some Dis ‘n’ Dat of his own in the bags until by Wednesday he was taking stuff out to put other stuff in. 
 
Sure sounds like another Packing Ballet to me!
 
Not really, because by Wednesday night HE was getting both bags closed without having to sit on them and still has a niche here and a slot there for more Dis ‘n’ Dat.
 
Thursday rolls around and they’re up early waiting on Cristina to show up and by 11:30 still no word from CVS.
 
Ya know What?  Screw ‘em.  RCCL will just have to take the Curative tests results, or he may have to play the:
“Do we need to call the VP of OPS Mark Tamis” card [he does have Mark’s direct line and email] if the check in dudes balk.
 
Cristina and Greg show on time and by 12:15 with bags loaded they are headed to the Jewel of the Seas at the Port of Miami via I-95 to I-395 and threw the new Port Tunnel with Greg groaning all the way about,
 
“How cum yer not goin’ outta Port Everglades… it’s closer”
 
As the Dragon Chick calmly explains that the Jewel doesn’t Dock in Ft. Lauderdale.  It’s not like the Water Taxi that makes stops up and down the Intercostal.
 
“Well maybe they should!” he still grumbles.
 
Now if you haven’t been to the Port of Miami through the tunnel, [well of course you haven't if your not in Florida] it’s so smooth that it’s almost confusing. What with all the Covid reduction of Cruise traffic it was EMPTY. 
 
Now Chucky is expecting signs and directions to the various ships [as it is at Port Everglades - YES Greg…] however with the new entrance via the tunnel, there are only directions to terminals A-B-C, etc. so ya gotta know what's where or your bound to get lost.
 
Now, Chucky knows that Royal Caribbean’s Home Terminal is A so that’s where he heads… only to arrive to a totally deserted Terminal A.  
SAY WHAT?!?
 
He doesn’t recall any instructions as to which other terminal the Jewel may be at so he hurriedly  calls the Templeshifs, who, having come in the night before and stayed at a hotel by the Airport, had taken the last hotel shuttle to the port at 11:30 and were already onboard.
 
“Uh… ya gotta come in through Terminal D Chucky”, didn’t you get the memo?’

Uh, no Lenny, or else the Stubborn Little Sicilian Man would NOT have Confidently headed straight to Terminal A.  

Sheesh!  Put up Better Signage MIAMI!

Once at Terminal D, bags out and on the Porters Dolly, Hugs around with Greg still grumbling about having to come ALL-The-Way Back to Miami in 10 days to retrieve them, the Wacky American Tourist and the Ever-Lovely Dragon Lady head in to TERMINAL D, for a smoother than ever check in. 

The Curative Test Results were accepted [without having to call the corporate office – They really do have this mass checking procedure down to a digital science].
And with that our Feisty Travelers are sitting with the Templeshifs, and their Lotto Line Cohorts, Steve & Ellen [last names withheld as mentioned, and hereafter referred to as S&E] by 1:30PM on the Aft deck of the Windjammer Buffet, sipping lemonade and having a knosh.

Then a Quick trip to the dining room to secure the same table and wait staff  for the whole trip, which did not go exactly as they planned but will get worked out the first night.

We’ll catch up with them in the next episode, once the baggage arrives at their room and they settle in to meet for Happy Hour in, where else but the Schooner Bar before dinner.

Ciao 4 Now
Uncle Chuck & The Happy They Found the Boat,

Dragon Lady

Mr. Lincoln’s Friends?

December 30, 2022

Picking up where we left off, the newly formed Templeshif Entourage Sextet,– hereafter TE6  when referred to en masse or L&D, S&E, and C&I individually are about to get on with it.

 

It’s 6PM on the first night of this sojourn and TE6 are now assembled in the Schooner Bar, about to break in another unsuspecting Bartender/Waitress – Claudia, who as it will soon turn out, is more than capable to deal with these multi-cruised pranksters, once she masters the intricate cocktail orders that is.

– Donna’s Vodka Martini – no Vermouth – the ice used to shake and chill it in a glass on the side – NO FRUIT!

- Chucky’s Bone Dry Dewar’s Rob Roy - dry, not sweet vermouth - swished in the chilled cocktail glass then tossed, stirred, NOT Shaken, straight up with a lemon twist – club soda no ice on the side.

Lenny and Dragon Chick are easy - Gin, Tonic, Lime for him, Vodka, Tonic, Lime for her.

Steve and Ellen don’t drink, so that’s even easier.

 

Their “My Time Dining” on Deck Four is scheduled for 7PM and after relaxing with the superbly executed Wacko drink order, they head to the dining room. 
Marching past the “un-reserved” line they meet up with Eloy, the Head Waiter who has no idea what they are talking about when they ask if he got the message about having the same table and same Wait staff for the entire cruise, which they THOUGHT they had arranged with the nice, cute but apparently clueless young lady at the reception desk earlier that afternoon.

 

Followers of past NOWAT may begin to sense a pattern here.

First night missing instructions, [after a healthy tip to Cute Little Miss clueless] and Lenny is ready to have Eloy for dinner instead of the Prime Rib. 

Calmer heads prevail and Eloy agrees to “Try His Best” to see the miscue corrected.

 

For the most part dinner goes well with most appy’s and Entrees hot and tasty, when… up steps Mustafa Sen, Restaurant Operations Manager who announces he was there to check in on “the friends of Mr. Lincoln” and see if everything was all right.  No one seems to understand the Mr. Lincoln reference but everyone  proceeds to acknowledge that all was indeed fine up to now.

All of a sudden Chucky realizes that “Mr. Lincoln” is in fact, Linken D’Souza, Global VP of Food and Beverage for RCCL.  

 

We interrupt with some background

 

After the last two RCCL Debacle Cruises, Chucky had several exchanges with Mark Tamis, Senior VP of Operations and other Corporate Officers regarding some serious quality and other service issues and at the same time established a rapport with Linken, who implored Chucky to let him know IF and when he plans to cruise with RCCL again. 

Sooooo… the week before the planned trip on the Jewel, Chucky dropped Mark and Linken a note.  Apparently Linken must have flagged the reservation, hence Mustafa’s appearance.

 

Meanwhile, back at the table…

Mustafa, a 24 year RL Veteran, and Chucky are now engaged in conversation about the impact Linken has had on the operations overall and certain unique touches in particular. 

The “Lincoln” mystery solved, Mustafa offers his card should they “need anything at all”.  Little did he know what he has set himself up for.

 

You'll have to wait and see where that will lead, as you know it will.

 

TE6 then repair to the Casino for a night of chance, as it were - L&D are hitting the slots for some coinage, with Illy looking on, [although no coins are involved anymore what with the games having gone digital, but you get the picture]

 

Steve and Chucky hit the Crap Table for a few shekels and the night closes with a  Remy Martin night cap and all is well in their world.

 

Back in the cabin Chucky knocked out the first two Episodes and crashed late.  Tomorrow is NYE and will prove to be an “interesting Day”.

 

Oh, you thought the Drama was over… Silly you. 

 

Ciao 4 Now

Uncle Chuck 

& The Wishing for a Calm Tomorrow, 

Dragon Lady

The Basics, or What’s Not in Order.

December 31, 2022

After unpacking on Thursday, knowing that Friday - New Year’s Eve, was a Sea Day and THEY didn’t have to be anywhere for an early shore excursion, Room service for Continental Breakfast was in order.  

As such, Chucky started looking for the Room service Door hanger for breakfast. There are usually a handful on the desktop but there were none to be found.  So he puts in a call to the steward to deliver some.

In the meantime SHE is looking for tissues. Nope, none in the bathroom slot under the counter, none on the desk, and after a search of all drawers, the “back up” box was found in the back of the desk drawer.  OK, maybe the steward was rushed and forgot to put a fresh box in the bathroom slot. 

 

This then triggered the search for what else may be missing.  Things that you naturally don’t miss until you look to use them.  Like: spare toilet paper [the roll in use was half gone].  Hand soap – none.  Toiletries [shampoo, conditioner, moisturizer] also missing in action. Hence another call to the steward to also bring these other missing goodies.

 

Also, Chucky brought some Thick Protein shakes and apple sauce, just in case he has trouble with his pills and other swallowing issues and… well, just because SHE insisted he bring some.  And of course… the in-room Fridge is warm prompting another call for the steward to check why the fridge is hot.

 

The first knock was a maintenance dude who proceeded to feel the inside and declare, “It’s running!  Give it time and if in a couple of hours it’s still not cold, call again.”  Uh… Ok.

2 hours later, luke-warm, but still not cold – so just before they headed to happy hour, another call  to swap it out.  Which may or may not have happened.  But after dinner Thursday night it was a bit cooler, not COLD.

 

Second knock was a dude with 2 – count ‘em - 2 Room Service Door Hangers, 2 rolls of toilet paper and toiletries and... 2 boxes of tissues.  He says the regular steward will show you how to put them in the bathroom slot.  

SAY WHAT? 

I should be putting the box under the counter, isn’t that YOUR job?

 

Knock Three, while Chucky is coming out of the shower and SHE is on the balcony reading, is the REAL Room Steward who apologizes for the dude #2 who was just filling in and  "knows nothing". 

He Mayank [the REAL steward] has 17 cabins on the other side of the elevator lobby and just 2 cabins on our side. He then goes on to explain why the Tissues aren’t, and won't be in the bathroom slot anymore.  People have taken to using them and then throwing in the toilet rather than the trash bin under the sink.  Facial tissue does not break down in water like 1 ply toilet paper and if too much gets in the ships drainage system it tends to clog up the line, which backs up everyone’s drainage all the way back to the first drop into the line.  Think of the Carnival “Poop Cruise” a few years back.

OK, we understand now. Mayank, [the Real Steward] apologizes again while acknowledging that due to the Covid issues they are short staffed “Big Time”, hence dude # 2’s not knowing about the Tissue Issue.

 

Room service arrived Friday at the requested 8AM and nothing much happened until L&D, & C&I met for Brunch in the main dining room on deck 4, which was about to take a sour turn.

 

First, the salad bar with omelets to order, select entrees not on the menu and carvings, was, due to the Covid Protocol, not available. 

Next, once seated entrees once ordered, were slow to come and mixed up, service was hap hazard and Donna’s Lamb on Pita was all dry gristle on cardboard hockey puck pancakes masquerading as Pita bread. 

No attempt to correct the issue was offered by the staff and no management was in sight.  Deciding it might just be an anomaly, they were getting apprehensive about lunch in the main dining room.

 

For the rest of the day everyone just chilled, while Chucky knocked out another Episode of the TE6 Saga, as it is being referred to.

 

Speaking of Saga’s... 

It is now Day 2 and on the way to happy hour we find S&E in line again at the Guest Services Desk about THEIR cabin issues.  Seems that upon boarding, they had a Horrible Toilet related odor in their bathroom and cabin, which apparently hadn’t been cleaned properly and the “Haz-Mat” type re-cleaning the day before, White suits and all, apparently had not solved the issue.  We'll see how this plays out as the drama continues to build.

 

At Dinner, one of the entrees was pretty tough and salty, other than that it was pretty uneventful.  

The Wait Staff, Anwar and Stefan are Exceptional. Maybe Mustafa’s first night visit set the tone as Assistant Head Waiter Gabriel WAS doing the peekaboo dance around the table often.  But we suspect that their totally professional, efficient attention was normal for them. 

Stefan did however seem to be struggling to keep the wine from dripping on the table and not the glass. So, of course, Chucky proceed to give him the usual “Easy Pour, Wrist-Twist Method” hints.  Now, no struggle, no drip.

 

After dinner cocktails were had in the Casino as everyone tried again to relieve RCCL of some more excess cash.

Some were successful, others just donated.

 

Then it was time to race up to Deck 12 to ring in the NEW YEAR while the Cruise Director [Cruzin Susan] got tongue tied on the countdown as we watched the Ball Drop above Times Square on the giant screen by the pool - which she almost fell into when she got off balance with an unexpected ship roll.  

The band played “Auld Lang Syne” while everyone faked the lyrics, hugged, kissed, drank champagne and wished everyone around HAPPY NEW YEAR!

 

With the Wind kicking up, it was time to welcome the NEW YEAR from the warmth of their individual cabins with much anticipation of a better year to come.

 

And that… dear hearts and innocent bystanders was how TE6 spent NYE Day aboard the Jewel of the Seas, somewhere between Cuba and the Central American Coast.

 
Ciao 4 Now,
Uncle Chuck 

& The Praying 2022 will be Better, 
Dragon Lady

New Year’s Day Breakfast

Or as TE6 are now calling it, “A shot Across the Bow.”

It went something like this the night before.

 

“Lets all meet for our First Breakfast of the New Year at 10:30AM in the Main Dining room and then make it a Beach Day by the pool.”

 

Simple enough right?

 

So Sunday morning, everyone heads to the Main dining room on deck 4 except for Chucky who has to run back to the cabin for something.

 

Once all are assembled, they wait… seems a bit of wait staff confusion, which, any other time would not have raised alarm, but after yesterday’s lunch debacle, the warning systems of TE6 are on full alert.

 

Finally orders are taken and our hearty crew settle in and wait.

 

And Wait.

 

Still waiting…

 

Finally coffee and juice arrive, a bit staggered but it’s served.

 

Still waiting on entrees, which finally arrive, well most of them… some still missing and now the waiter can't tell which of the two Omelets that Illy and Ellen had ordered had the cheese.

 

Now the waiters and a supervisor huddle.  By now TE6 is at the table approaching an hour and a half with still incorrect, incomplete and missing orders.

 

Ellen announces she has had enough, pushes away from the table and walks out, chased by the headwaiter who gets “the HAND” as she is headed to the door.

Lenny and Chuck still haven't gotten their orders and now the rest of the group decides to head to the Winjammer on deck 11.

 

Lenny, in the meantime is giving the Headwaiter and earful, who just stammers about while offering to do something, but just what he can do he has no clue, which of course is too late.

 

Waiting on an elevator was the usual frustrating exercise and when they finally arrived at the Windjammer… it’s closed for breakfast and won't reopen until 1:30PM for lunch!

 

Now what? Tempers are rising and the only place left open is the Latitudes where you have to pay for a ridiculously limited menu.

 

Lenny is beside himself and then remembers he has Mustafa’s Card, [told ya Mustafa was going to regret handing them around].  Finding a house phone he makes THE CALL and by the look on Lenny’s face and the tone of the conversation, Mustafa will soon be on the way as TE6 is now milling about on Deck 5 waiting for the next shoe, or whatevah to drop.

 

Soon, here comes Mustafa with the Executive Chef in tow.  As Lenny and everyone begin pounce on them to voice an opinion, Chuck and Illy jump in and try to put the morning’s happenings in perspective as best they could before it could turn out ugly.

 

Mustafa and the Chef can only offer what have now become empty platitudes. 

Now, since the only thing open at the time is Giovanni’s for lunch, Mustafa coaxes the group to join him there for lunch which they accept as now everyone is starving and Windjammer is still half an hour from opening.

 

Once in Giovanni’s, they are introduced to Lotfi the manager who assures them that they will be well taken care of.  We'll see, is the common thread from the group.

 

Mustafa appears again, this time with his boss, Stany Dias the Food & Beverage Director in tow, who continues the apology tour and as a make up for this and future breakfasts, he invites TE6 to come to Giovanni’s for breakfast, for the rest of the cruise, which is only open for Pinnacle Level Cruisers.  Of course Giovanni’s is only open from 7-9AM but hey, it’s an upgrade… supposedly.  Time will tell, and so will they, you can count on THAT.

 

The Hearty “Lunch” that followed finally concluded around 2PM and by then everyone was stuffed and the planned “Beach Day” was a bust.  They all decided to retire to their respective cabins to relax before dressing for happy hour @ 6PM.

 

Dinner was lovely, no hitches accept for Steve’s “warm apple tart” which was ice cold.  A small detail in the scheme of things. 

 

F&B Director Stany made it a point to stop by the table to check on how Giovanni’s was for lunch and to assure them that they will have lovely breakfasts going forward.  And if there was anything he could do, don’t hesitate, blah, blah, blah… Of course Chuck asked for his card which he tendered with a nervous grin, expressing his apprehension considering what has transpired since Mustafa handed out his.

 

Night caps in the casino for an early night as L&D & C&I had the “Cacao Trails and Chocolate Museum tour” early in the morning.

 

What’s Next for this feisty bunch… we'll you'll just have to circle back later to see how Monday went and if any more “Calls” are made.

 

Ciao 4 Now

Uncle Chuck & The So Over the Drama, 

Dragon Lady

Passion for Mother Earth, & Chocolate

 
Grab a beverage and settle in kiddies, this will be a bit of a long one as we cover our first stop and the Cacao Tour.
 
Arriving in Puerto Limon,Costa Rica was smooth and The Ships Morning Wakeup system is great. Saves springing from the bed to silence either or both of our phone alarms.  Ya just reach over and knock the phone off the hook, roll over and catch a few more zzzz’s.
 
OH WAIT... 

We gotta roll out to meet L&D & S&E for Breakfast in Giovanni's before heading out to the Cacao Trail & Chocolate tour.  

So much for a little more nony-nony land.

 
Breakfast in Giovanni’s was delightful, so much less stressful.
Hell, there’s only TE6 and 4 Pinnacle cruisers, how much stress can there be?  

Uh… ya do know who we're talking about… Right?
 
Move on Chucky!
 
The menu is not much more expansive than the main Dining room but the “Pancakes” are a poor attempt at oversized silver dollar pancakes, and so thin that the word Fluffy DOES NOT APPLY. 

BUT, the service is great [empty dining room] the orders are correct, the food HOT and the Coffee Soooooo much Richer and better than the everywhere else on the ship. 
Hey, it’s Giovanni’s – Dat’s Italian! 

Therefore, Dragon Lady and Chucky are in heaven, not so much so for everyone else! [tea drinkers just don't get it]
 
Now it’s a trek to the very front of the ship, via deck 5, thru the closed shops to debark on the Forward gangway on deck 2 at the 9AM, to catch the tour bus by 9:15.
But… the local officials are slow to clear the ship so the stairs are at a dead stop and the deck 2 crew is sending those on the elevators back up to deck 5 to wait.  It takes till 9:45 before the stair line starts to move and of course very slowly due to the number of people that did not pay attention to have their seapass cards ready and are holding up the line while they fish thru their purses, pockets, back packs, stocking stash, Bras, and…
{Oh look Harvey, it’s under your hat!}
 
After a long walk on a longer pier and through the parking lot of Puerto Limon, Costa Rica, we find our bus and Guide for the Cacao Trails and Chocolate Museum tour.
 
After a quick panoramic tour [that’s a ride around town in a bus] of the very impoverished port city of Limon, it’s a bit of a ride to the Cacao Trails. 
 
The Guide [we'll call him Juan – because ever anal Chucky, excited about all the chocolate ahead, forgot to make note of it] keeps it interesting with lots of details on the area, history, culture etc., and stopping frequently to point out 2 and 3 toed sloths, one with a baby, in the trees on either side of the bus along with monkeys and various flora and fauna.

 
Cost Rica is a major Banana exporter, with huge Chiquita, plantations along the way to the tour.
 
Once at the Tour Stop, “Juan’ cautions everyone to stay on the trails, DO NOT venture into the brush, because of the various poisonous snakes and vipers, some of which masquerade as twigs and branches just waiting to drop on your shoulder or climb up the pant leg of unsuspecting tourists.  Oh... and of course there are the Boa Constrictors and assorted Pythons just lurking around for a tasty Tourist tidbit.
 
And… “Don’t forget your sunscreen”, says “Juan” looking at a particularly Midwestern looking ultra-pale face, “and your insect repellent”.
[We'll we are in the jungle… sorta], as a particularly LARGE mosquito carries off one of the small children.
 
Up the rocky, slightly muddy trail we go, winding this way, and that around this cute bush past that weird tree [watch out or the twigs masquerading as snakes] until we reach the “Chocolate Museum”, such as it is.  Actually an overly long Tiki hut with a book case a small machinery display and a souvenir counter [of course].
 

Guard Cat on Duty

And a Guard Cat that occupied one of the guest chairs and who was working very hard on his morning siesta.

 
Here we meet Lorena.  She of the Long Wavy Hair, Sparkling Personality, Flashing Eyes, Blue Dental Braces, and a total Passion for Mother Earth and all things Cacao.  [Chocolate to you]

Here starts the tour, up more paths to various stops to point out and elaborate on flora, fauna, sculptures of ancient indigenous origin and the culture and showing her love of Mother Earth and all its fruitful bounty.
 
Up a few more trails to the Shaman’s Lodge, [no shaman home today] where she continues on the cultural tour touting the various herbs, roots, oils etc., all that come from nature to heal us without manmade chemicals.  Some in the group later expressed a feeling of refreshment and wellbeing from the smoke of the herbs burning in the fire pit in the Shaman’s Lodge that managed waft over everyone.

Next stop was the rudimentary press, really a tree stump with a whole in it and a pole through the hole resting on a slotted anvil where a sugar cane stalk is pressed and crushed to release the cane juice, which is reduced, and refined into the raw sugar used in producing the finished chocolate product
 

More trails and trekking as she points out the actual Cacao pods and the tiny bloom that it grows from, and onto the harvesting trough where the cacao pods are cracked open, the seeds/beans are dumped to be washed down constantly to remove the oily gelatinous slime covering the beans before setting them out to dry in the sun. 

Here she cracks open a cacao pod and gives us each a fresh raw bean to taste by sucking the gelatinous coating off but not biting or cracking the bean as it is still raw and the taste would NOT be good.  You can taste the bitter chocolate as you suck the bean but the flavor comes later as we will soon find out.
 
From there we are led to the auditorium like shed that displayed all the tools used for harvesting and processing the Cacao. 
 
Then we are treated to a demonstration of the pealing, husking, grinding, cooking and making the chocolate from the cacao beans.
 
First the beans are coarse ground to crack off the outer shell which is then flipped over and over on a large woven mat to allow the wind to separate the shell from the beans.  Then the bean is ground into a finer powder which is then heated on a stove before being mixed with powdered milk, the refined cane sugar, and vanilla, to make the bitter sweet chocolate that is then patted into a round flat pate’, cut into slivers and served to us on a leaf. 

 
Waaaay Cool!  
 
Next we are led back to the “Museum” and served some fresh fruit and Lemonade before a brief break to hustle some tchotchke’s, ground coffee, chocolate etc.
 
Back down a much shorter trail to the bus, and with stops along the way to see more monkeys, Sloths, Bananas, the ditches to irrigate the bananas, the men harvesting bananas, and the long lines to send the bunches of bananas down the hill to the truck, we are treated to a little tour of Cahuita, Limon a delightful little beachside village.
 
Then it was back thru less than delightful Puerto Limon, thru the “Duty Free” Tchotchke shop and back onto the Jewel of The Seas.
 
Now famished from all that snake dodging, flora observing, chocolate in the raw tasting and banana plantation viewing, they race back to get into the Windjammer for a nosh just before it closed, then up to the cabin for a quick snooze, shower and relaxation before heading to the schooner for happy hour.
 
This got longer than expected so we'll cover dinner and whatevah in the next note… or not, it all depends on how he feels after dinner and the 9:45 show.

Oh, and Chucky finally found his notes on the Guide “Jesus Mora” of Sunrise Tours,

SunrisetoursCR20@Gmail.com.

If ever in Costa Rica, book him for a tour. He really is a cool proud Costa Rican that will make your tour interesting and exciting.  Just be sure to bring your sunscreen, insect repellent and snake boots.

Ciao 4 Now,

Uncle Chuck & The Luvin’ Chocolate Even More, 

Dragon Lady

Panama, The Canal and The City

Last seen heading to happy hour in the schooner bar after the New Year romp through the Chocolate Jungle, monkeys, Sloths, Bananas, Snakes and all, TE6 settled in for a lovely dinner hoping to report no drama.
 
Silly You… Read on.
 
S&E were late to Happy Hour and while at dinner they related that it was due to round 5 of their seriously unacceptable cabin issues.  Their day went something like this.
 
After meeting with several ships officers over the past 4 days including Giovanni [the Hotel Director not the restaurant] and being passed from one hand to another, they were finally offered a new room.  That would have been fine accept the room was a serious down grade. Now if the ship was sold out, and that was the only room available, that might be understandable.  But we were sailing at half capacity.  Seriously, you have a highly dissatisfied passenger, who has been VERRRY patient up till now, just give them a suite immediately and be done with it, surely not all the suites are sold out.  Or at least offer an upgraded Balcony cabin. And you would have turned a potentially vocal – corporate office complaining critic - into a “Very Satisfied that you went out of the way” New PR Person for RCCL.
 
Ellen, rightfully balked and they were finally shown a comparable cabin one deck up.  The annoying thing is, why wasn’t that done immediately once it was obvious that even with the HAZ-MAT cleaning, the problem wasn’t solved and that the replacement cabin was obviously available. 

Now to get all their stuff moved without having to repack everything while a steward shows up with a little push cart.  Ellen, in all honesty is NOT a LIGHT packer. After repacking much of their stuff, the steward returns with a rolling close rack and gets the rest of their hanging stuff moved.
 
Steve was over it and Chucky gave him a list of the corporate office direct lines and emails.  We have a feeling this will not go well for the crew.
 
Back to Dinner which was passable with a couple of items exchanged due to over cooking or overly salty.
 
S&E elected to relieve the Casino of some excess cash while L&D & C&I caught the 9:45 Show, Comedian Austin Drage who has obviously made the rounds and opened for many current celebrity acts.  Very Funny Guy, close to our age group with some highly relatable topics, and a Rod Stewart Gravely voice for a finally of “Sounds of Silence’

 
Then, off to Nony-Nony land as the day had been quite draining for all.
 
Monday, found Chucky and The Dragon Lady rolling out VERRRY early for a 7:15AM trip to the Panama Canal Locks and as such, an early wakeup call and Room service had been ordered for 6AM.  When by 6:15 it hadn’t arrived, Chucky called and was told they will check and would call back.  While Chucky was shaving, Illy fielded the call that it is was on the way, just as there was a knock on the door.
When she opened it, she couldn’t see the waiter behind a large stack of plates.  Acknowledging they were slammed with all the early tours, she helped him in with 4 – count ‘em   4 plates, 2 cups, 2 thermos’ of coffee, 2 tiny glasses of OJ, Cream Cheese and Preserves.
Hmmmm, a lot of plates for the order of a banana, an English Muffin with cream cheese and jelly, a blue berry muffin and assorted pastry.
Turns out, one plate was the banana, however 3 plates each held, a bran muffin and assorted pastry. Essentially 3 identical pastry/muffin orders… but no English muffin, and the jelly turned out to be Ketchup!  Say What?!?
 
As Room Service was slammed, there was no sense calling to send 2 plates back and re-order the English muffin - it would have been trashed anyway due to Covid Protocol - and… they were running out of time to get off the ship and meet the bus for the tour so they just kept the extras for snacks later and hustled to get ready for departure.
 
Debarking was from mid-ships on deck 2 so it was a simple run down the stairs right outside THEIR cabin. 
 
If you're curious about Chucky’s choosing an unusually central location for THEIR cabin - 8102, google the Deck Plan for the Jewel of the Seas and see the overly large, wind buffered by the elevator bank, balcony Cabin for yourself.  The aft cabins were sold out and this was the next best choice.
 
Once on land, you get a temperature check from the local cops and must past thru the duty free shop [of course] to get to the busses. 
 
Outside, Chucky shows Guide Lady #1 his ticket and she sends him “
Waaay Up Front” to the 1^st bus…
only to be turned back by Guide Lady #2 at the 1^st  bus,
“No, No, You must get in that line”,
pointing all the Waaayy back to the looooong line at the 3^rd bus as bus 1 & 2 are full and getting ready to leave.  So much for coordination on land too.
 
The trip to the Canal wasn’t too bad and on the way, Astrudo - “Call me Ace” offered a running commentary on local conditions, reading a Covid Disclaimer and generally rambling on. 
 
But wait… the fun {?!?}  was just about to begin.
As the bus is pulling into the drop off at the Canal, behind busses #1 & 2, “ACE” is handing out tickets for entry, and announces that the reason the busses ahead hadn’t off loaded was that those guides would hand out the tickets as people got off.  So, since we already had our tickets, we could wait for the other busses to unload or get off and walk to the gate and proceed to the locks.
 
Well now, with a chance to get ahead of the other busses and get good spots viewing, we all jumped at the chance to get off now.
This might have been a good idea except for the Angry Canal Authority Lady [why are there so many angry ladies in charge here] stopped our group and made those in front - mostly ELDERLY tourists - wait in the hot sun until Busses 1&2 unloaded.
 
Now do you really think Chucky was gonna take this nonsense? 
“We’re already here, just let us go through and get out of your way?”
 
Angry Canal Lady was having none of that.
“I'm taking the busses in order, so go back or wait over there!”
 
Chucky Responds
“BUT our Guide told us to get off and go in.”
 
Angry Canal Lady barks,
“I don’t care what he said, this is the way I'm doing it.”
 
Now the poor Policeman who was setting up to check bags is looking at her like she has three heads and is motioning for her to let us just go through.  In Spanish he tells her, “they're already here, let them go!”
 
Angry Canal Lady just shuts him down with THE LOOK and a flurry of, not so polite Spanish, which she didn’t realize half the crowd standing there understood.
 
Poor Police bag checker just shrugs at Chucky and the, now upset Bus #3 folks and gets behind his table as Angry Canal Lady knocks on the door of Bus #1 and begins the off load process.
 
Once busses 1&2 have disgorged their cargo, #3’s sweltering passenger’s process through the metal detector and electronic turnstile and head down to the viewing area for the Aqua Clara Locks Visitors Center. 
 
To our good fortune, the Emerald Princess was just entering the Locks from Limon Bay on the Atlantic side for the first stage of transiting the Panama Canal by being raised to the level of GATUN LAKE.
 
As the lock doors began to close behind it, Chucky began to video the process over the heads of those hanging on the rail, trying to take selfies with the ship in the background. 

HE continued to record each step of the transit process at Aqua Clara as first lock opened and the ship was towed into the lifting lock as the doors closed behind it and water flowed in from the reservoir ponds to the south of the lock.  Once the ship was lifted 29 feet from the level of the Atlantic Ocean to the level of the manmade Gatun Lake the doors ahead open and the ship is towed into GATUN LAKE to move on thru the Banana and Culebra Cuts to the Pedro Miguel and Miraflores Locks which lower the ship in two stages, 29 feet to the level of Lake Miraflores to complete the crossing into the Pacific Ocean.  

Here [in a slightly choppy edit] the Emerald Princess enters the locks from the Atlantic side, is elevated 29 feet and leaves the locks into GATUN lake.

 

 

The whole process took just under one hour and we were back on the bus and headed to Panama City. 

 
“Ace” continued his spiel on this and that relating population, width of the country, canal construction details, etc.  and then 
informed us that we would have potty break halfway to Panama city, which turned out to be Tchotchke Store stop.   

 
Once back under way, “Ace” announced that a “Lunch Box” was included in the price of the tour which consisted of a hotdog sized bun of dry challah bread and two miniscule slices of some mystery meat that resembled ham, a packet of mustard and a bran muffin.  Chucky swore the Bran Muffins from the Room Service continental breakfast were following him.
 
“Ace” also announces that we are also entitled to a bottle of water with lunch but he would wait until we got to Panama City to hand it out because:
“We are 2 degrees North of the equator and because of the heat we must hydrate on our walk through the The Old City, Panama Vieja”  Maybe also because the water is in the storage under the bus and having forgotten to hand it out as we got back on at the Tchotchke Stop “Ace” didn’t want to stop the bus to get off and get it.
 
Seriously?!? W.T.F.? We get this dried out mystery meat sandwich and equally dry bran muffin [no chips or fruit…Nada!]  And nothing to drink to wash it down, until we get to Panama City… an hour away?!? Double W.T.F.?!? 
 
Fortunately we brought our own water to hydrate with as we always do. Also being aware that “We’re 2 degrees North of the Equator.”
 
The Panoramic tour of Panama was a joke, as “Ace” rattled on about the tall buildings, the “Twisted” Building, which half the bus couldn’t see, raced through Bankers Row [Panama City has over 300 registered banks for the World’s Rich Folk to hide their money away from their own countries tax system] 
 
He pointed out the distance the low tide was from the shore creating a mud flat over a mile long.  The Spaniards chose this location so that pirates had difficulty attacking the city because at low tide, they would have to travel a mile in the mud to and from their ships and thus prone to capture.  Equally if they sailed in at high tide, the low tide would trap them on the mud flats.
 
Speaking of pirates, “Ace” also pointed out that Sir Francis Drake was buried in Panama [perhaps after getting caught on the mud flats… or maybe just natural causes] Either way, the British sponsored Pirate rests eternally, far from home and 2 degrees above the equator.
 
Finding a parking spot well below the “Old City”, “Ace” ushers us off the bus, hands out the coveted water, hey it was even cold, and begins to trek around the corner, up the hill, right around that bend and left around the other, as the Thunder storm clouds rolled in. 
 
Fortunately Chucky had checked the forecast before debarking in Colon and packed their foul weather jackets in their Trusty Touring bag that doubles as her purse when they make forays such as this.
 
Now “Ace” is just trotting along at a pace akin to Chuck’s normal walk, which is kinda fast, while the elderly bunch from bus #3 play hell trying to keep up… and the storm clouds open up and totally DRENCH those who are racing behind “Ace” to the gazebo in the, “Plaza de Catedral, Plaza Central, Plaza Mayor” [and those are just 3 of the many names for the plaza in front of the:

 Catedral Basilica Santa Maria la Antigua de Panama

Fortunately Chucky and the Ever-Lovely Dragon Lady, along with the much slower folks who stretched a city block back from the way we came, were huddled under the overhang of a building across the street from the gazebo, now packed beyond safe distancing with the other 2 busloads.
 
Once the deluge stopped for the second time Chucky suggests to “Ace’ that it might be time to move the rest of Bus #3 to the Gazebo or wherever we were headed before it started again. 
 
“Ace” tries to soften the mood as he moves down the block long line of damp, unhappy tourists joking that there are two seasons in Panama, the Rainy Season and the Dry Season – when it Rains.  It DID NOT get a laugh.
 
Giving those that wanted time to visit the cathedral twenty minutes to do so, “Ace” finally rounded up his wet little bunch and headed waaaay over there to… another Tchotchke stop announcing there were restrooms [1] inside, or some in the restaurants around the corner. 
 
Taking note that there were 3 lines for the 1 baño, inside the mini flea market, with the bran muffins finally kicking in, Chucky heads around the corner finding an Israeli restaurant [really, in the middle off Panama Vieja] pops in and says, “Nessicito  un baño por favor”, and he is shown to a very clean modern toilet.   
 
With that little item handled, a little Tchotchke shopping is in order for a few folks back home, with a little haggling here and a frown at the vendor there as Chucky is determined to get HIS price.  
 
Once again, posting overlapping days has gotten this longer than expected since there was a lot to talk about Racin’ “ACE” and the lack of commentary he offered about the “Tour” as it was of Panama Vieja except to steer us to Tchotchke shops, the “possible baños around the corner and stare at his phone as he raced here and there with a long line of stragglers.
 
We'll catch up with our hearty hagglers in the next episode of NOWAT-CaribWest 2022.

 

Ciao 4 Now

Uncle Chuck & The Giggling over of HIS Haggling, 

Dragon Lady