Panama, The Canal and The City

Last seen heading to happy hour in the schooner bar after the New Year romp through the Chocolate Jungle, monkeys, Sloths, Bananas, Snakes and all, TE6 settled in for a lovely dinner hoping to report no drama.
 
Silly You… Read on.
 
S&E were late to Happy Hour and while at dinner they related that it was due to round 5 of their seriously unacceptable cabin issues.  Their day went something like this.
 
After meeting with several ships officers over the past 4 days including Giovanni [the Hotel Director not the restaurant] and being passed from one hand to another, they were finally offered a new room.  That would have been fine accept the room was a serious down grade. Now if the ship was sold out, and that was the only room available, that might be understandable.  But we were sailing at half capacity.  Seriously, you have a highly dissatisfied passenger, who has been VERRRY patient up till now, just give them a suite immediately and be done with it, surely not all the suites are sold out.  Or at least offer an upgraded Balcony cabin. And you would have turned a potentially vocal – corporate office complaining critic - into a “Very Satisfied that you went out of the way” New PR Person for RCCL.
 
Ellen, rightfully balked and they were finally shown a comparable cabin one deck up.  The annoying thing is, why wasn’t that done immediately once it was obvious that even with the HAZ-MAT cleaning, the problem wasn’t solved and that the replacement cabin was obviously available. 

Now to get all their stuff moved without having to repack everything while a steward shows up with a little push cart.  Ellen, in all honesty is NOT a LIGHT packer. After repacking much of their stuff, the steward returns with a rolling close rack and gets the rest of their hanging stuff moved.
 
Steve was over it and Chucky gave him a list of the corporate office direct lines and emails.  We have a feeling this will not go well for the crew.
 
Back to Dinner which was passable with a couple of items exchanged due to over cooking or overly salty.
 
S&E elected to relieve the Casino of some excess cash while L&D & C&I caught the 9:45 Show, Comedian Austin Drage who has obviously made the rounds and opened for many current celebrity acts.  Very Funny Guy, close to our age group with some highly relatable topics, and a Rod Stewart Gravely voice for a finally of “Sounds of Silence’

 
Then, off to Nony-Nony land as the day had been quite draining for all.
 
Monday, found Chucky and The Dragon Lady rolling out VERRRY early for a 7:15AM trip to the Panama Canal Locks and as such, an early wakeup call and Room service had been ordered for 6AM.  When by 6:15 it hadn’t arrived, Chucky called and was told they will check and would call back.  While Chucky was shaving, Illy fielded the call that it is was on the way, just as there was a knock on the door.
When she opened it, she couldn’t see the waiter behind a large stack of plates.  Acknowledging they were slammed with all the early tours, she helped him in with 4 – count ‘em   4 plates, 2 cups, 2 thermos’ of coffee, 2 tiny glasses of OJ, Cream Cheese and Preserves.
Hmmmm, a lot of plates for the order of a banana, an English Muffin with cream cheese and jelly, a blue berry muffin and assorted pastry.
Turns out, one plate was the banana, however 3 plates each held, a bran muffin and assorted pastry. Essentially 3 identical pastry/muffin orders… but no English muffin, and the jelly turned out to be Ketchup!  Say What?!?
 
As Room Service was slammed, there was no sense calling to send 2 plates back and re-order the English muffin - it would have been trashed anyway due to Covid Protocol - and… they were running out of time to get off the ship and meet the bus for the tour so they just kept the extras for snacks later and hustled to get ready for departure.
 
Debarking was from mid-ships on deck 2 so it was a simple run down the stairs right outside THEIR cabin. 
 
If you're curious about Chucky’s choosing an unusually central location for THEIR cabin - 8102, google the Deck Plan for the Jewel of the Seas and see the overly large, wind buffered by the elevator bank, balcony Cabin for yourself.  The aft cabins were sold out and this was the next best choice.
 
Once on land, you get a temperature check from the local cops and must past thru the duty free shop [of course] to get to the busses. 
 
Outside, Chucky shows Guide Lady #1 his ticket and she sends him “
Waaay Up Front” to the 1^st bus…
only to be turned back by Guide Lady #2 at the 1^st  bus,
“No, No, You must get in that line”,
pointing all the Waaayy back to the looooong line at the 3^rd bus as bus 1 & 2 are full and getting ready to leave.  So much for coordination on land too.
 
The trip to the Canal wasn’t too bad and on the way, Astrudo - “Call me Ace” offered a running commentary on local conditions, reading a Covid Disclaimer and generally rambling on. 
 
But wait… the fun {?!?}  was just about to begin.
As the bus is pulling into the drop off at the Canal, behind busses #1 & 2, “ACE” is handing out tickets for entry, and announces that the reason the busses ahead hadn’t off loaded was that those guides would hand out the tickets as people got off.  So, since we already had our tickets, we could wait for the other busses to unload or get off and walk to the gate and proceed to the locks.
 
Well now, with a chance to get ahead of the other busses and get good spots viewing, we all jumped at the chance to get off now.
This might have been a good idea except for the Angry Canal Authority Lady [why are there so many angry ladies in charge here] stopped our group and made those in front - mostly ELDERLY tourists - wait in the hot sun until Busses 1&2 unloaded.
 
Now do you really think Chucky was gonna take this nonsense? 
“We’re already here, just let us go through and get out of your way?”
 
Angry Canal Lady was having none of that.
“I'm taking the busses in order, so go back or wait over there!”
 
Chucky Responds
“BUT our Guide told us to get off and go in.”
 
Angry Canal Lady barks,
“I don’t care what he said, this is the way I'm doing it.”
 
Now the poor Policeman who was setting up to check bags is looking at her like she has three heads and is motioning for her to let us just go through.  In Spanish he tells her, “they're already here, let them go!”
 
Angry Canal Lady just shuts him down with THE LOOK and a flurry of, not so polite Spanish, which she didn’t realize half the crowd standing there understood.
 
Poor Police bag checker just shrugs at Chucky and the, now upset Bus #3 folks and gets behind his table as Angry Canal Lady knocks on the door of Bus #1 and begins the off load process.
 
Once busses 1&2 have disgorged their cargo, #3’s sweltering passenger’s process through the metal detector and electronic turnstile and head down to the viewing area for the Aqua Clara Locks Visitors Center. 
 
To our good fortune, the Emerald Princess was just entering the Locks from Limon Bay on the Atlantic side for the first stage of transiting the Panama Canal by being raised to the level of GATUN LAKE.
 
As the lock doors began to close behind it, Chucky began to video the process over the heads of those hanging on the rail, trying to take selfies with the ship in the background. 

HE continued to record each step of the transit process at Aqua Clara as first lock opened and the ship was towed into the lifting lock as the doors closed behind it and water flowed in from the reservoir ponds to the south of the lock.  Once the ship was lifted 29 feet from the level of the Atlantic Ocean to the level of the manmade Gatun Lake the doors ahead open and the ship is towed into GATUN LAKE to move on thru the Banana and Culebra Cuts to the Pedro Miguel and Miraflores Locks which lower the ship in two stages, 29 feet to the level of Lake Miraflores to complete the crossing into the Pacific Ocean.  

Here [in a slightly choppy edit] the Emerald Princess enters the locks from the Atlantic side, is elevated 29 feet and leaves the locks into GATUN lake.

 

 

The whole process took just under one hour and we were back on the bus and headed to Panama City. 

 
“Ace” continued his spiel on this and that relating population, width of the country, canal construction details, etc.  and then 
informed us that we would have potty break halfway to Panama city, which turned out to be Tchotchke Store stop.   

 
Once back under way, “Ace” announced that a “Lunch Box” was included in the price of the tour which consisted of a hotdog sized bun of dry challah bread and two miniscule slices of some mystery meat that resembled ham, a packet of mustard and a bran muffin.  Chucky swore the Bran Muffins from the Room Service continental breakfast were following him.
 
“Ace” also announces that we are also entitled to a bottle of water with lunch but he would wait until we got to Panama City to hand it out because:
“We are 2 degrees North of the equator and because of the heat we must hydrate on our walk through the The Old City, Panama Vieja”  Maybe also because the water is in the storage under the bus and having forgotten to hand it out as we got back on at the Tchotchke Stop “Ace” didn’t want to stop the bus to get off and get it.
 
Seriously?!? W.T.F.? We get this dried out mystery meat sandwich and equally dry bran muffin [no chips or fruit…Nada!]  And nothing to drink to wash it down, until we get to Panama City… an hour away?!? Double W.T.F.?!? 
 
Fortunately we brought our own water to hydrate with as we always do. Also being aware that “We’re 2 degrees North of the Equator.”
 
The Panoramic tour of Panama was a joke, as “Ace” rattled on about the tall buildings, the “Twisted” Building, which half the bus couldn’t see, raced through Bankers Row [Panama City has over 300 registered banks for the World’s Rich Folk to hide their money away from their own countries tax system] 
 
He pointed out the distance the low tide was from the shore creating a mud flat over a mile long.  The Spaniards chose this location so that pirates had difficulty attacking the city because at low tide, they would have to travel a mile in the mud to and from their ships and thus prone to capture.  Equally if they sailed in at high tide, the low tide would trap them on the mud flats.
 
Speaking of pirates, “Ace” also pointed out that Sir Francis Drake was buried in Panama [perhaps after getting caught on the mud flats… or maybe just natural causes] Either way, the British sponsored Pirate rests eternally, far from home and 2 degrees above the equator.
 
Finding a parking spot well below the “Old City”, “Ace” ushers us off the bus, hands out the coveted water, hey it was even cold, and begins to trek around the corner, up the hill, right around that bend and left around the other, as the Thunder storm clouds rolled in. 
 
Fortunately Chucky had checked the forecast before debarking in Colon and packed their foul weather jackets in their Trusty Touring bag that doubles as her purse when they make forays such as this.
 
Now “Ace” is just trotting along at a pace akin to Chuck’s normal walk, which is kinda fast, while the elderly bunch from bus #3 play hell trying to keep up… and the storm clouds open up and totally DRENCH those who are racing behind “Ace” to the gazebo in the, “Plaza de Catedral, Plaza Central, Plaza Mayor” [and those are just 3 of the many names for the plaza in front of the:

 Catedral Basilica Santa Maria la Antigua de Panama

Fortunately Chucky and the Ever-Lovely Dragon Lady, along with the much slower folks who stretched a city block back from the way we came, were huddled under the overhang of a building across the street from the gazebo, now packed beyond safe distancing with the other 2 busloads.
 
Once the deluge stopped for the second time Chucky suggests to “Ace’ that it might be time to move the rest of Bus #3 to the Gazebo or wherever we were headed before it started again. 
 
“Ace” tries to soften the mood as he moves down the block long line of damp, unhappy tourists joking that there are two seasons in Panama, the Rainy Season and the Dry Season – when it Rains.  It DID NOT get a laugh.
 
Giving those that wanted time to visit the cathedral twenty minutes to do so, “Ace” finally rounded up his wet little bunch and headed waaaay over there to… another Tchotchke stop announcing there were restrooms [1] inside, or some in the restaurants around the corner. 
 
Taking note that there were 3 lines for the 1 baño, inside the mini flea market, with the bran muffins finally kicking in, Chucky heads around the corner finding an Israeli restaurant [really, in the middle off Panama Vieja] pops in and says, “Nessicito  un baño por favor”, and he is shown to a very clean modern toilet.   
 
With that little item handled, a little Tchotchke shopping is in order for a few folks back home, with a little haggling here and a frown at the vendor there as Chucky is determined to get HIS price.  
 
Once again, posting overlapping days has gotten this longer than expected since there was a lot to talk about Racin’ “ACE” and the lack of commentary he offered about the “Tour” as it was of Panama Vieja except to steer us to Tchotchke shops, the “possible baños around the corner and stare at his phone as he raced here and there with a long line of stragglers.
 
We'll catch up with our hearty hagglers in the next episode of NOWAT-CaribWest 2022.

 

Ciao 4 Now

Uncle Chuck & The Giggling over of HIS Haggling, 

Dragon Lady